Our desire to be like God is the root cause of the messy relationships we are currently witnessing all over the world. We all want things our own way and so we don’t put others first. We have therefore become both sinners and victims. We are the subject of other people’s selfishness and we too feel envy towards others. We muscle our way through to look after number one. A bit like a rugby scrum where everyone is trying to claw the ball out for themselves: they get injured by others and they hurt others too.

Friendship is certainly good but when I want to be at the centre, it means I’ll pursue friendships that fulfil my needs rather than wanting to serve others. A friend may flirt with me, not because she likes me and wants to pursue a relationship, but because she wants to feel good about herself. We may use friends just to give ourselves an ego boost in countless ways.

Selfishness affects marriages too. When I want myself to be at the centre rather than God, I will want you to serve my needs. We may, therefore, manipulate our partners to get what we want. We may even engage in Mpango wa Kando – going out with someone who is not your wife or husband – just for security. My need to have that stability and someone to fall back on, is more important than being honest with you about how I really feel.

It is actually our selfishness that draws us into having Pre and Extra-marital affairs. When we push God off His throne, everything else gets messed up. The world turns into a free-for-all, with everyone straining to be at the top.

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